Misogyny is hatred, dislike, contempt or ingrained prejudice against women. There are many levels of misogyny. Internal misogyny is when contempt, prejudice, and hatred are turned inward, toward oneself. It can also extend to other women who surround us in our daily lives - mother, daughter, girlfriend or colleague. Why is internal misogyny dangerous, and how to deal with it?
What does misogyny look like?
The complexities of internal misogyny are astounding, and at first glance, they may seem even slightly overwhelming. Men and women suffer from it differently on subconscious levels. Misogyny (misogyny in men and women) is not always a clear action. In fact, self-proclaimed feminists can sometimes be criminals themselves. Up to the point that they can commit violence against women and men equally. Sometimes the extreme results of this phenomenonplaying out before our eyes.
In a barbaric and aggressive sense, we have been taught that women are to blame for lust. There are many religious and ancient texts to choose from to learn more about the open and extreme history of misogyny. By default, in our society, everything that has to do with temptation or loss of control is most often blamed on the woman and her devious ways or irresponsible choices.
Interesting questions
How can internal misogyny manifest itself? How do you know if you have undertones of misogynistic thinking? Here are some questions you can ask yourself. Some of them may help you see things from a different perspective:
- Do you tend to value, trust and respect male teachers more than female teachers?
- Do you find yourself sometimes saying "I need a man's opinion" - on various topics?
- Are you not exercising or not exercising the way you want to because you've been told that women shouldn't do certain types of exercise (like lifting weights) or that muscles are unfeminine or "look ugly" on women?
- You use phrases like “real men…” or “real girls…”
- Do you only compete with other women for men or women?
- Do you think girls are better or worse based solely on their looks?
- You say things like "I'm only friends with guys because women…”
- Do you think you are unworthy of loy alty in friendshipand romantic relationships?
- Do you feel insecure or insecure when a woman is in charge?
- Do you think being on time or being ready is less important when working with women?
- Do you think that women are physically weak and men should take care of them?
- Do you think men should be alphas and girls should be submissive?
- Do you think there are jobs that are not suitable for women or that women should not have?
- Do you underestimate women's talents and ex alt men's?
- Do you think all girls should aim for one specific body type?
The way we see ourselves and our gender can affect how we eat, date, exercise, prepare for education and dream.
If ever there was a topic that needed deeper study to truly understand what goes on behind the curtain in our own minds, this is it. Hatred of women or men - where does it come from and how to deal with it?
A certain idea of gender traits
From a very young age, we are taught that female character traits are emotional, overly sensitive, physically weak, less intelligent, consistent, easily manipulated, nurturing, fearful, clumsy and kind. At the same time, male character traits: strong, persistent, cruel, leader, manipulative, lonely, smart, capable, average, practical, reliable, athleticand dominant.
These are obviously not traits that everyone agrees on today. Men can gossip, women can save lives or can be manipulative, and both sexes can be equally kind or cruel. It is important to recognize that along with socially prescribed gender roles comes a certain set of privileges (or lack thereof) that cannot be ignored.
This is an insidious problem in our culture fueled by sexism and hatred of women. Almost every representative of the "weaker" sex experiences its echoes throughout her life. What is internal misogyny, and how can we fight against it?
Myths and stereotypes
There are widespread stereotypes and myths about women and girls around the world that we encounter in almost every aspect of our culture. From the lie that girls don't like (or don't understand) science and math to the myth that women are emotionally unstable and prone to manipulation. Our society is, to one degree or another, steeped in misogyny. It is no wonder that girls who grow up in this poisonous stew begin to believe these negative things because they have heard these sexist messages repeated throughout their lives, often from trusted adults such as parents, teachers and other authority figures..
Hearing these lies, stereotypes and myths, girls and women often internalize these ideas. They believe that all women are cats, that women are passive (or should be passive), thatwomen are not as smart and capable as men. These beliefs are reinforced by the men in their lives who have also grown up hearing the same messages and who act accordingly. This is not a voluntary assumption about a worldview, but an involuntary process because we are socialized to believe it is true. We accept these attitudes as we grow, observe, study and understand the society in which we live.
Misogyny in women: signs
The result of this takeover is that many women have negative ideas about women and girls, even though they are also women. This is female misogyny. It manifests itself in different ways. It could be a female politician who rejects sexist remarks that promote sexual violence. It could be a woman who says that the rape victim "asked for it" by dressing in a certain way. It could be "I'm not like other girls."
You can say that you don't get along with other women or girls because they are too sensitive. This may be blaming the victim of domestic violence for being or staying with her abusive partner. It can also lead to negative self-image as women internalize messages about how they should look or act. This can make women doubt themselves, saying things like "I might be wrong, but…" or "nothing special" to downplay their accomplishments.
Internalized Misogyny
Internal misogyny prevents girls and women from forming he althy relationships with each other. It promotes isolation, which can then be exploited by attackers. And this can lead to women and girls defining themselves in very negative terms. So what can we do to combat internalized misogyny?
The first step is to acknowledge that it exists. Due to internal mesogyny, women are also capable of making negative, false remarks about other women. The second step is to challenge your own beliefs. When you find yourself saying something negative about another woman, whether it's about the way she dresses, her appearance, or her moral values, stop and think. Why are you saying this? Are you sure you know exactly how women should look, act or behave?
Finally, fight back against sexism and hatred in all its forms - against women as well as against men, girls and boys. Lead by example and change the pattern of socialization that causes our girls and boys to adopt these harmful myths.
Prerequisites for misogyny
For some of us, the concept of internal mesogyny doesn't make sense. How can a person hate their gender? But the sad truth is that it is very common. In fact, it's just a case of our culture's sexist messages being so successful that even the victims of these messages absorb hatred andcontinue to perpetuate it. It's the same as gay people believing all the homophobic bullshit they've heard all their lives and becoming spiteful and closed off. Or the African American who internalizes the racist ideas of our society, learns to resent their own race or culture.
Supporting sexist ideas
By fighting to be an exceptional girl, you support negative ideas about women and subconsciously reveal your self-hatred. Indeed, how will you feel happy and whole in nature if deep down you hate what you are? Unfortunately, such ideas are constantly reinforced.
Yes, some women are petty, cruel, mean, dishonest, etc., but so are some men! We must learn to appreciate that women are people first and women second. Every woman has the same potential for greatness, villainy and everything else as her male peers. Ideally, a girl will be judged on her actions and character, and not just on gender.
Reasons for maintaining mesogyny
Part of the reason internalized misogyny persists is that it has a certain appeal and incentive in our patriarchal society. Some of the attraction of being the only female (who has been deemed exceptional or at least tolerant) in a male social group comes from ego boost.
When trying to make friends with people where physical attraction is not the default, you have to put in more effort to be a worthy and interesting person. So, on the contrary, being friends with people you are sexually attracted to is easier-you just don't have to try so hard.
Insidious dynamics
Due to the widespread objectification of the female form, women learn to objectify other women in the same way as men. So much so that both male and female brains perceive men as people and women as parts of the body. This unsettling quirk causes girls to compare and measure each other in our daily lives to the point where it's nearly impossible to turn off the process.
It happens unconsciously and instantly. Most women walk into a room and instantly rate themselves and other women according to this unspoken hierarchy of attractiveness, which only adds to the insecurity and craving for external validation.
How can I prevent my own misogyny?
So what can we do to alleviate our own internal misogyny? We can start by recognizing that women do not have to be our biggest enemies, they can be our biggest allies. Consider: what are you really competing for?
Attention and approval of men? It's highly overrated and won't actually make you happy or satisfied with yourself. Because true satisfaction is not something other people can giveto you. This is what you build for yourself. When you build relationships with yourself, you don't need other people to determine your worth.
You should start with yourself
A million men can tell a woman she's gorgeous, but that alone won't make her feel any less insecure. Teasing, criticizing, bullying, verbally abusing women, and not supporting each other at all will only hurt you in the end. Hatred of others leads to self-hatred.
Internal misogyny is a destructive cycle that we definitely need to break. And we break it through self-love, including our femininity, appreciating femininity in others and striving to see people in women.
