Do you need to live up to other people's expectations? Every person has asked this question to one degree or another at least once in their life. There are a lot of different opinions and advice on how to behave when something is expected of you. And often they are just the opposite.
Some experts argue that there is no need to realize the hopes of others. Others say the opposite. So what do you do in this situation? First you need to understand who and what is expected. For example, if the boss is waiting for overtime, this is one thing. But if a marriage partner hopes for a change in habits, then the situation is completely different.
What could they be?
When a person considers whether or not to justify the expectations of others, he usually forgets one nuance - he himself has certain hopes and expects something from other people. Accordingly, all of them can be divided into two large groups:
- Own.
- Aliens.
Own can be directed not only to other people, but also to circumstances,phenomena and, in principle, anything. You can expect sunny weather and end up with rain. Or hope to receive a bonus, but instead face the need to pay a fine. That is, one's own hopes can relate to any aspect of life, including the behavior or actions of people.
Aliens are characterized by only one direction. That is, these are situations in which other people expect certain actions or manifestations of emotions, behavioral patterns from the person himself. The individual may or may not justify them.
Thus, another division of expectations, both one's own and others', becomes evident. They are divided into two types - justified and not.
If a person is waiting for rain and takes an umbrella with him, and there is not a single cloud in the sky all day, this is his own unjustified expectation. In the case when the boss at work hopes for the extra effort put in by the employee in his spare time, and the employee is late and performs the task - this is an example of how you can justify them.
What do you most often face in life?
A person who has not had to deal with this problem is a rare lucky one. As a rule, it is necessary to justify other people's expectations from early childhood to old age.
Initially, a certain behavior is expected from a child. Parents want the baby not to cry, not be naughty, eat well, not get dirty and not break toys. The child grows up and the expectations of loved ones become different. Now he must successfully study, havecertain "good" friends, follow the rules of conduct, etc.
Often imposed and visits to specific circles and sections, clothing style, even books and films. When graduation time comes, parents want their child to go to a certain university.
In the future, a person has to justify the hopes of the institute's teachers, fellow students, colleagues and superiors. As soon as a serious personal relationship arises in life, expectations of a partner appear. Of course, at some stage in life, it becomes necessary to justify the hopes of children, and then grandchildren.
Accordingly, it is impossible to single out what you have to deal with more often. All life is filled with other people's expectations. But do not forget that in parallel with strangers there are always our own. For example, a child expects gifts from his parents for the holiday, cooked food, a bicycle, or something else. An adult wants to receive help, respect and friendship from colleagues at work. Thus, expectations are always mutual. And before you do not justify someone's hopes, it is worth remembering this.
When is it really needed?
Of course, you don't always have to justify them. But it’s also not worth taking hostility in every situation in which someone places certain hopes on you. First, you need to decide how unacceptable and difficult it is to meet the expectations of another.
For example, if a marriage partner is waiting for the other half to stop throwing things around the room, then you should try to make an effort on yourself. It's a little thing that doesn'tis a reason to defend your own "I". If a child is looking forward to going to the park on the weekend, but an adult has no desire to strain, do not disappoint the child.
First, failing to live up to the expectations of children is giving them a reason not to live up to the hopes of their parents. Children learn from adults. And secondly, such behavior shows the priority of parents, because their own laziness here will be higher than the child’s desire to spend time with mom and dad.
In work situations, things are much more difficult. It is worth carefully weighing all the pros and cons before meeting the expectations of management or colleagues, if they are not related to direct responsibilities. In any case, we must not forget that you can always say a firm "no".
When is it wrong to be led?
Everything in the world is relative and has its limits. Including meeting other people's expectations. If a person constantly follows the lead of others, then this leads to an internal conflict of his own "I" and the surrounding reality. And this, in turn, can cause a nervous breakdown or the development of depression.
You can't be led by others in matters of principle and importance. For example, if a young man wants to join the army and drive a tank, and quite consciously and seeing the prospects in this occupation, and not just succumbing to agitation, then he should not embody the expectation of a mother who believes that her son should enter the veterinary academy. If a woman wants to pursue a career and sees herself as the head of the company in the future, there is no need to embody the aspirations of others.get grandchildren or justify the hopes of a partner to leave the service after the wedding.
Be especially careful about your superiors' expectations for extra work. If you always agree, then the manager will get into the habit of waiting for overtime work. And when the moment of choice comes between what the employee has planned and the boss's demands to stay late and do overtime, the refusal can be perceived as something out of the ordinary.
In other words, what is really important for the individual cannot be compromised. If you always agree with everything, then, as the people say, “they will sit on their necks and go.”
What should parents remember?
Fear of not living up to the expectations placed on a person by others is a serious psychological problem. It is easier for many to forget about their own desires and needs than to disappoint someone. And this leads to the loss of one's own "I" and the inevitable development of depression. Those who are used to realizing other people's hopes will never be happy.
The roots of this fear are hidden in childhood. Parents who make a scandal, show their disappointment, scold the baby for getting a “three” and not an “five”, form a psychological complex. It is worth thinking carefully before punishing a child for inadvertently refusing to live up to expectations.
